I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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