Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
