I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
