dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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