They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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