do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
