is your mom at the bar?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
