I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
