he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
