I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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