Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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