Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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