I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
