I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this beer tastes like vomit already
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
