return my video game
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
