I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
