I can't watch pbs sober anymore
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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