in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
