This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
