the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
