I feel great
I just peed on a car
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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