So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
