His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
