I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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