We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
