I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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