Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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