drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
