i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
