Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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