just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
