shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
