and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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