I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
being pregnant is like rehab
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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