Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
