remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
