I want you more than these girls want KFC
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
me + whiskey = a bad person
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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