What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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