Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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