sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
