I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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