...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Green mimosas i think yes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
