Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Two words: nipple clamps
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