never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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