Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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