I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
