Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
