Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
