It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
