Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
