dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The beer is more important than you right now.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
