This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
