I think I won the penis lottery.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize