K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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