dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
