Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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