I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
