I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
