Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
