I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
