How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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