my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
