I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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