That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
