I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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