things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
