I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize