Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
smell my finger.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
