Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize