just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
