you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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