You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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