So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
