Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
