she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
