Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
