O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
