put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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