He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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