My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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