remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
