two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
