Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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