she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
